I was at sea all week, and all weekend it has been raining. I would like to get outside later today and get some pictures of the wysteria in the yard - it is in full bloom and just beautiful. I wish the light was better, but if I wait until next weekend the blooms will be falling. We are underway again all week, plus I have weekend duty so I won't have any good days off for about 2 weeks. I will just have to find otherways to keep myself happy.
Started a new job last week. I realize now how wide spread complete idiocy is on my ship. What a bunch of morons. I am no longer amazed at the dumb things that happen. There is a lot of insecurity and back stabbing up and down the chain of command. If everyone would worry more about doing their job and less about what everyone else is doing every minute of the day I think the day might go a little smoother. The light at the end of the tunnel is that our entire chain of command will be new by the end of the year.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about regrets I have about my life thus far. Generally I don't think a lot about the past; it could be a form of avoidance, but I prefer to think of it as what is done is done. But there is at least one scene in the play of my life that I wish I had done something different and know in my heart that it would have changed the entire outcome of my life. What I am finding difficult is to come to terms with the "what if" and accept and enjoy what I have now. I think the hang up is the damage I caused to other people, and my inability to apologize or make up for my actions. I'd like to think that the opportunity to do so will some day present itself, but I would also like to move past the guilt that crops up so frequently.